Reality Check Please?
by HiddenAngel29
Summary: The boundary between reality and fantasy is disolving and Spidey's found himself on the wrong side. ...Or has he? (Alcohol reference...mention of Captain Sparrow...some violence to come... Co-Authored by Dimonah Tralon)
1. A wrong turn and a toga

Disclaimer: Yeah, some of the characters are based on real people, just because. They know who they are. Anyway, I don't own Spiderman (property of Marvel Comics), as much as I wish I did, or Captain Jack Sparrow (property of Disney).

* * *

It was a clear, calm evening in New York City…well…as calm as it ever was. The people on the street were walking along, worrying about all sorts of small things. Here and there, someone hailed a cab and someone called out to a friend. Yes everything was perfectly normal. High above the city-dwellers, though, a lone figure swung between the buildings on strands of gossamer. The patrol had been quiet. Other than a couple of shoplifters, he hadn't encountered any trouble. It was odd. The blue and red clad figure sighed as he extended his arm and shot out another line, which stuck securely to its target. Normally he enjoyed having time to just web-sling, but there were other things on his mind. Behind the milky white eye-pieces in his mask, he was thinking about his latest break-up with Mary Jane. The two seemed to be always having relationship problems. Sighing again, he swung in an arc into an alleyway between two apartment buildings.  
He figured it was about time to head home, but something wasn't right. A familiar tingle on the back of his neck was beginning to build, but not the same way it usually did. He looked around, trying to find the source of the warning. It shouldn't have been that difficult to pinpoint it. The tingle kept growing. It was becoming so intense that he could barely even sense where he was going.  
"Come on, Spidey…get it together!" he growled at himself in frustration. It was at that point that his Spider-sense shot through his neck so strongly that he lost his grip on the web that held him suspended. He was flying through the air and falling. Try as he might, he couldn't regain control and found himself suddenly tangled in a bed sheet that had been hung out to dry with the rest of someone's laundry. Now he was falling blindly, his spider-sense still blazing wildly and offering him no help. Just as he was beginning to panic, though, he hit the ground. The terrible buzzing and tingling that had practically blinded him with its intensity quickly diminished to its near-passive "no danger" state.  
Fiercely he pulled the sheet off his head and discovered he was on a grassy hill in the courtyard of some apartment complex. As far as he could tell, there weren't any really tall buildings around at all. A girl with dark hair, wearing something akin to a pirate outfit was standing a little ways away, gaping at him.  
"Toto…I don't think we're in Kansas anymore…" he muttered sarcastically under his breath. 

In the town of Rexburg, the evening was windy. Clouds were rolling in with the promise of rain. Allie grumbled at them as she walked down the sidewalk of the campus. It hadn't been a very good day and she was finally headed back home after an hour of unsuccessful studying at the library. She was slouching through the gate to her dorm's courtyard, when something caught her eye…a sort of glimmer that wasn't entirely there. Shaking her head and blinking a few times, she continued to watch the space for a moment. It wasn't long before, where there had been nothing, a figure tangled in a white sheet tumbled into existence. Allie walked slowly toward the figure, but stopped in her tracks as the person angrily yanked the material away from his face. Her jaw dropped in shock at the sight of the red mask with its black web pattern and white eye-pieces.  
"I shoulda' taken that left turn at Albuquerque…" he said to himself as he stood. Allie's eyes were glued on him, unable to blink.  
"I'm in love with Jack…" she muttered, closing her eyes with a look of concentration as she broke out of her daze, "…I'm in love with Jack…I'm in love with Jack…" The figure watched her, confused beneath his mask. He was still half wrapped up in the sheet.  
"Wait, hold on a sec…" she was talking to the person before her, apparently very excited about something, "there's someone you just gotta meet!" Without warning, Allie rushed forward and grabbed his arm, dragging him up the staircase to her apartment.

Inside, there was someone waiting for her. He was dressed very convincingly as a pirate. If Spider-man hadn't known any better, he would have thought the guy came straight out of one of them movies.  
"Hey Jack!" Allie said excitedly as she dragged the super-hero through the door and dropped her heavy backpack by a couch with the sort of thunk that can only be made by falling textbooks.  
"Captain Sparrow, if you please luv," he said with a smirk.  
"Whatever, Jack. We're dating, so I get to call you whatever I want. Anyway…" the pirate rolled his eyes at her as she continued, "I need you to sort of baby-sit while I go get Angela."  
"Baby-sit!" the two men asked in synchronized outrage.  
"Well, yeah," Allie said with a shrug as though the reason were obvious. "We can't exactly have Spiderman just walk over there or web over or whatever and, well, I can't really send Jack over either. He might get lost and start flirting with someone else."  
"Don't you trust me luv?" Jack pouted.  
"Depends. Have you been drinking?"  
"Just a little…"  
"Then no," answered Allie with an impish smirk as she turned to the door. "I'll be back in like, two minutes." With that, she ran off. The men eyed each other warily as the door closed.

Meanwhile, in the next dorm over, Allie was running up the stairs to her friend's apartment. She took only a second to catch her breath and knocked on the door.  
"Come in!" yelled a girl. Allie entered and found Angela sitting on the couch. She wore a Spiderman t-shirt, flip flops, a red bandana with black webs she'd made herself, a blue wristband with a red spider, and she was reading one of her Spiderman comics for what must have been the tenth time at least. Slowly, she looked up at her pirate-obsessed friend with a grin.  
"Hi Allie," she said cheerfully with a wave, her finger tucked into the comic book to save her place.  
"Angela, I gotta show you something." Allie waved her hand for Angela to follow, but the girl on the couch just looked at her confusedly.  
"What is it?" Angela asked. The look on her face said she wanted to go back to her comic book.  
"It's…well…I mean…" Allie couldn't quite find the words, "just come on! I know you'll love it!" She ran up to her friend and began to tug on her elbow. Angela got up, the comic still in her hand with her finger between the pages and followed her. She was still confused, but now she was curious too. Together, they went back over to Allie's place.

On one of the couches lay Captain Jack Sparrow, looking very drunk. A bottle of rum was in one hand still and he reeked of alcohol.  
"I can't leave him alone for five minutes," Allie said in exasperation, "look what happens!"  
Angela, however, was looking at the other man sitting in the chair in absolute shock. Her jaw hung loosely and her eyes were bugging out.  
"Seriously…" he said, his voice just slightly muffled from the mask, "he has got to be _the_ drunkest baby-sitter I've ever had." He shook his head slowly as though he found it funny.  
"That jerk must have been drinking while I was out studying…" Allie scowled at the pirate. Angela, shook her head and blinked, forcing herself back to the real world.  
"Ha ha. Very funny, Allie. I'm going home." The Spidey fan girl turned back to the door.  
"What? No, you can't go home! He appeared out of nowhere…he's the real deal!" Allies eyes were wide open. She needed to convince her friend that this was the truth, but she could already tell it was going to be difficult. Over on the chair, Spiderman noticed Angela for the first time, dressed, head to toe, in merchandise picturing himself and masked his surprise at the sight.  
"Come on," she rolled her eyes, "as crazy as I am, I know the difference between fantasy and reality!" she absently waved her comic book.  
Allie sighed in exasperation, "well, apparently fantasy and reality can coincide. I mean…look at Jack!" She waved her arm at the barely aware pirate. "I thought he was fantasy too, and now we're freakin' dating!"  
Angela scratched the back of her neck in confusion, "I still can't figure out how that one happened…" Realizing what it sounded like she was saying, she quickly revised it. "I mean, Jack being here...not the two of you dating…"  
Jack seemed to pick that moment to belch loudly. It was promptly rewarded with a whack on the shoulder from Allie. The pirate grinned at her drunkenly which earned another scowl. She then returned her attention back to her friend.  
"I never told you how Jack got here?" she seemed very surprised at herself.  
"Cap'n Sparrow, luv…" Jack mumbled.  
Allie ignored his drunken protest and continued. "He appeared the same way that Spiderman did…but unlike Spidey, Jack wasn't tangled up in a sheet."  
"It's an ultra-modern toga," Spiderman joked. But the two girls were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice either of the men.  
"It can't be him," Angela shook her head, "Spiderman just doesn't get tangled in laundry. This guy probably just found himself a really good costume and hid in the laundry room or something."  
"Why would he hide in the laundry room?" Allie rolled her eyes at her friend, "besides, I saw him appear out of thin air." Angela eyed Spiderman skeptically. He turned his head and looked at a side wall. Truth be told, he didn't like the way the girl was scrutinizing him…like one who'd had too many dreams yanked away to believe he was real, even though she was clearly a fan of his. For some reason, he couldn't stand the thought of her knowing the truth and ending up disappointing her. Nervously, he scuffed a foot against the carpet.  
While the two girls continued to argue over whether he was real or not, he stood up and paced a little. It was getting a bit late and he really needed to get home to do his schoolwork.  
Angela once again looked at him with hard scrutiny and walked toward him. As she reached up toward his mask, Spiderman backed away a few steps and held his hands up defensively.  
"Hold on there, missy…" he joked, "bold girls intimidate me." Angela raised an eyebrow at him and smirked a little.  
"This better not be one of the guys from Rigby Hall," she said, turning to the girl in pirate garb.  
"Who the crap do I know from Rigby?" Allie tossed back, giving Angela a look. The girl in Spiderman regalia blinked a few times before she responded. 'That's right…' she thought, 'Allie doesn't hang out with the dorm guys…'  
"Oh…right…But I'm still not sure I believe you," she added quickly.  
The girl in pirate garb turned to Spiderman in exasperation. "Could you prove to her that I'm right-that you really are Spiderman?"  
"Sorry," he said, grinning beneath his mask, "I don't really do requests." Allie gaped for a moment, stunned.  
"But you have to!" she protested, "she'll think I'm a total nutcase if you don't!" She'd grabbed the front of his shirt forcefully. It took every ounce of his restraint not to step back when his senses warned him about her move. Still holding his shirt in one hand, she turned to look at Angela, desperate to prove that she was right.  
"Angela, I'm telling you-this guy's the real deal!" she pointed at the man, "he's Spiderman! You know…Peter Parker!"  
The superhero did a small double-take. How did this girl know who he was! His reaction hadn't escaped his fan's sight.  
"Okay. You win," Angela said with a shrug, a huge grin creeping onto her face.  
"Thank you! …Wait…You believe me? Why?" Allie looked at her friend in confusion. She hadn't been looking at the costumed person, so she didn't know of his very visible reaction.  
"Well…he looked really shocked that you knew his true identity. If he were fan enough to have that good of a costume, he wouldn't have been so surprised." She shrugged again as though it were obvious.  
"Excuse me…" Spiderman spoke up, "I know I'm good looking and everything, but… could you let go of me now?"  
Allie looked stupefied for a moment, then glared and released him. He brushed himself off a bit and smoothed out the wrinkle her tight grip had created.  
"Okay…" he muttered. He was a bit freaked out. How could these girls know who he was? "So…How did you figure me out?" he asked tentatively. He watched them suspiciously. There wasn't any danger eminating from them, so they weren't enemies…at least he didn't think they were. He wasn't too sure about the girl in the pirate outfit, though.  
"Hello?" Angela raised the comic book she was still holding, showing it to the superhero, "comic books, movies, novelizations…"  
"What!" he was dumbfounded at the news, "they're making all that stuff about me and they even got my…!…I mean…they don't even have my permission and I'm definitely not getting paid!" He'd suddenly changed direction mid-sentence, not certain what to be more outraged about.  
"Chill, Spiderman," said Allie, "see…you're in a different reality. We live in this one," she pointed at the ground to emphasize what she was saying, then pointed at Angela's comic book, "you come from that one."  
"I must be dead…" he muttered, "either dead or dreaming." Spiderman pinched his own arm. It was definitely real. "Dang it.." he muttered, "this can't be happening…"  
"Well, it is. Same thing happened to Jack there," Allie said, nodding at the pirate that appeared to have fallen asleep in his drunken stupor. Since he didn't correct her and he was snoring quietly, it could be guessed that he really was sleeping. "Only, he didn't give me nearly as much trouble."  
"Oh crap…" Angela stared wide-eyed at Spiderman, then looked at Allie in mild alarm, "where is he going to stay? I can't have him like that in my apartment…"  
"And he's not staying here," Allie promptly added with a scowl, then shrugged, "what I mean is…uh…I have enough trouble keeping an eye on the captain."  
"I wonder if Kathryn would be okay with taking care of him…" the fan girl mused.  
"How are we going to get him over there?" the pirate girl asked, "he can't exactly go as Spiderman."  
Angela looked the superhero thoughtfully. "We could make him wear his 'Ultra-modern Toga'…" she offered with a straight face.  
Allie laughed for a few moments. "With or without the mask?" she wondered, still giggling.  
Though it couldn't be seen, Spiderman scowled. "I'm not taking off the mask."  
"You know…" the girl in pirate gear said, glaring, "you're really not helping." She looked him up and down for a minute, thinking.  
"We could call Joseph," she continued with a sudden thought, "he's about the same size."  
Angela gave looked at her as though this was the most absurd idea ever. "What are we gonna tell him? 'Hi, Joseph! We want you to meet our new friend Spiderman. All his street clothes were left in the comic book, so can he borrow some of yours?"  
"It's worth a shot," smirked Allie humorously. "Besides, what else are we supposed to do? Try to stick him in some of my clothes?"  
Spiderman looked at her. "I don't think so, Miss Shorty-pie." Allie wasn't actually that short, and the other girl was even shorter, but it got his point across. There was no way he was going to borrow clothes from a girl. However…she didn't seem to find it as funny as the now smirking Angela did.  
"Shorty-pie!" Allie exclaimed. "You'd better watch it, Spider Boy-I could totally kick your butt."  
"Man," he corrected her, "Spider…_man_."  
"Yeah…Whatever," she scoffed, "point is, I could totally kick your trash if you don't watch it."  
"I'd like to see you try," laughed the costumed character.  
"You would? Alright," she fell into the stance she had learned in her self-defense class. "Bring it on, Spider Boy!"  
A smirk crossed his covered face as he brought his hand together in mock saintly-ness, "I only use my powers for good."  
The girl threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "Angela, you deal with him!" she growled, then stormed off to her room to try to calm down.  
"Come on, Spiderman…" Angela said with a wheedling tone of voice and sad puppy eyes, "are you sure you can't take the mask off? I mean…we'll be able to tell who you are anyway if you're wearing Joseph's clothes…" She continued to pout and stare at him with those large, blue eyes.  
"Dang it…" he muttered, "why do they always have to use the puppy eyes?" With a sigh and a shake of his head, he relented. "Fine…I'll take off the mask…" He didn't really know what he was getting himself into, he just knew that so far these girls were his only allies in this place…even if the girl Allie didn't really like him. He was just beginning to reach for his mask, when Allie came stomping out of her room, grumbling under her breath….something that sounded suspiciously like "stupid Spider Boy." She'd forgotten her backpack and it had something she needed.  
"You wanted to bust a RAD move, didn't you?" Angela asked with an impish grin. RAD. Rape Aggression Defense. It was a special self-defense course for the girls at the university.  
"You bet I did," she snapped, throwing a scowl at Spiderman, "but Mr. 'I only use my powers for good' just had to go and ruin it!"  
"Sorry…" he said unrepentantly, "couldn't pass it up."  
Allie glared at Spiderman. "I wouldn't suggest talking to me right now, Spider Boy, unless you want to end up on the floor."  
"I told you, it's Spider_man_," he corrected her once again.  
"Does it look like I care?" she snapped at him.  
"You don't want me to answer that," he responded slowly. His tone of voice sounded like he was grinning wickedly.  
"Oh, you are SO going down!" she yelled, then lunged furiously at Spiderman.  
Spidey's senses buzzed in warning and he side-stepped easily. "Whoopsy-daisy!" he laughed. As Allie ran by, unable to stop herself, her foot caught on the strap of her backpack, which was still on the floor, and she began to fall. Her head was on a direct collision course with the back of a chair. Spiderman spun to catch her, but he was just a second to late and her forehead hit the chair with a resounding smack. He expected her to slap him and tell him to let go, but she did nothing of the sort. She was out cold.  
"Oh crap…" he muttered, sounding almost as guilty as he felt. Sure, he enjoyed pushing her buttons, but he hadn't wanted her to get hurt. Carefully, he lift her up as though she weighed no more than a feather and put her on the couch opposite the one occupied be the unconscious drunken pirate. Already, a violently purple bruise was blooming in a line across her forehead.  
Angela had been watching the whole time, quietly amused until the second her friend tripped. "Is she okay?" she asked worriedly, practically hovering around the couch.  
"Yeah…" Spiderman said with a nod, "I'm really sorry about this…I didn't expect her to fall like that and…I didn't catch her in time…" He kept sounding guiltier with every word and his shoulders began to droop.  
His fan stared at him for a moment, her brows drawn together. "I'd…better call Joseph…" she said after a minute, not really sure how to respond. Spiderman nodded again, sadly, and the girl went to the phone to make the call.


	2. Quit makin' stuff up, Angela

Kinda cheesy chapter here, but oh well. Every good story has 'em, right? Right! Okay, same disclaimer spiel. Spiderman blah blah blah Marvel, Jack blah blah blah Disney. Friends appearing in this chapter are based on people; they know who they are. And la-dee-da-dee-da.

* * *

"Thanks Joseph, you're a big help," Angela sighed with relief. Spiderman was in the bathroom, changing into some of Joseph's spare clothing. Thank goodness he'd just done laundry.

"No problem," he said with his trademark grin, "but could you remind me _why_ he needs clothing?" The smile widened a bit. He remembered just fine, he just wanted to hear the explanation again. His arms crossed as he waited.

"Well…see…" she tried to remember what she'd told him, "my cousin's….friend's….roommate…was on his way to a comic book convention in…uh…Idaho Falls…when his car broke down…and he's from Pocatello, so he didn't bring any extra clothing, and well, I was closest…so…." she trailed off uncertainly.

"I thought you said he was from Boise and the convention was in Pocatello," he pointed out with a roguish smirk.

Spiderman chose that moment to emerge from the bathroom, wearing one of Joseph's less recognizable shirts and a pair of jeans. There had also been a pair of sneakers left behind by a previous tenant that happened to fit. His face was far from what Angela had expected, but she managed to mask her surprise. No, he didn't look anything like Tobey Maguire. For one thing, he was taller. His hair was short and somewhat unkempt. His eyes were a golden brown and almost puppy-like.

"How do I look?" the unmasked hero asked, arms spread uncertainly. He was obviously not used to having people know that both the man and the mask were the same person. It was probably rather unnerving.

"That'll do," the short girl nodded in approval, "even if you _do_ have mask hair." He looked up as though to see the top of his head and tried to flatten his hair unsuccessfully. They would worry about that later.

Thanking Joseph again, they left and headed to a house just a little ways down the street, carrying a paper bag with the costume safely tucked inside. Angela needed to talk to Kathryn to find out if she could hide Spiderman until they figured out where he could stay. 'Peter,' Angela reminded herself, 'he's not just Spiderman, he's Peter…' She shook her head. She needed to get over the fact that she was wandering around Rexburg with "Spiderman".

Surprisingly, Kathryn was the one to answer her door. It was usually roommates who did. Actually, they were lucky they even caught her at home, as they found out. She was about to head to the local Wal-Mart for something. The others refused the idea of the guy crashing at their place. Kathryn, however, had a few tricks up her sleeves. She had connections all over the place, and, with a few phone calls, Peter had a place to stay for a little while.

"Well," Kathryn told them, "I'd better get going. See ya!"

"Hey wait," Angela said, just getting an idea, "my car is over at Joseph's….and Pete needs to get something to wear… I'll drive you."

And so the next two hours was spent with both girls finding him things to wear. He was _not_ happy, but at least he had clothes.

Soon as the shopping was finished, the trio headed back to Kathryn's, where they dropped her off, then to the dorm where they left Allie unconscious. She had woken up by then and was holding an ice pack to her forehead. Jack was nowhere to be seen. He'd probably sobered up a little and used the opportunity to get more rum. His stash was running low.  
"Allie, you okay?" asked Angela as she walked right in. Neither girl knocked on each other's doors anymore.

"I will be, as soon as this headache goes away," she said, opening one eye just enough to see not just one person, but two.

"Do I know you?" she asked the young man, then, after looking around a moment, "…where's Jack?"

"I think he left," said Angela with a shrug and a casual glance at the other couch.

"Hey, you okay?" the stranger asked with concern.

"No, not really. But I'll live," Allie closed her eyes, then, raising the ice pack, "Angela, how bad does it look?"

Angela and her unknown friend winced in unison, hissing in sympathy.

"That bad?"

"Let's just say you should go back to wearing the bandana…"

Allie nodded slowly so she wouldn't aggravate the throbbing pain in her head.

"Who's your friend?" she finally asked, opening both eyes this time to look at him.

"Oh…Ummm…" Angela thought quickly. She couldn't name him as Peter Parker…that would tell Allie right away that he was the one to cause the massive headache. She continued very haltingly, trying to think up a good cover name.

"He's…uh…Bruce….Lee……..Anderson!" Allie raised an eyebrow and smirked at her friend's remark. It was so obviously made up that she couldn't help a slight snicker.

"So do I call you Bruce, Lee or just Mr. Anderson?" she joked lightly, a smirk crossing her face.

The guy nudged Angela with his shoulder and chuckled a little, "quit makin' up stuff." He offered a hand to the girl with the bruised head.

"Logan Peterson," he said as they shook hands, "but my friends call me Pete." His hand was sturdy and callused in a less than normal way. Okay, so it was downright bizarre, like he was always pulling on ropes and hitting a punching bag. _Maybe he's trying to build some muscles,_ she thought to herself, _he could use some._ Truth be told…the clothing he wore hid everything, making him look rather scrawny.

"Alison Hudson," she replied, "just call me Allie." He grinned down at her, flashing his pearly whites. Adorable. Like a puppy smiling. _Jack…_ she reminded herself for the second time that day, _I'm in love with Jack._ Which reminded her...

"Really…" she wondered aloud, looking around again, "where did he go?"

"You mean Jack?" asked Angela. Behind her the door opened and in walked none other than Jack Sparrow. He carried two bottles of rum to add to his stash and was grinning widely. Or, at least he was until he saw the look on Allie's face. He promptly made a U-turn and walked right back out.

"JACK!" she yelled, then winced and clutched her head. Yelling had been a big mistake.


End file.
